The Two Soldiers

This is a hometown Memorial Day story about two soldiers, their sacrifice, and what it means to be a real American. It is not about Republicans and Democrats.

One soldier is from Yonkers, New York, where I grew up. The other is from Mount Vernon, where I live. One died in Afghanistan. The other in Iraq. Both are the sons of non-citizen immigrants, women who came to the United States from elsewhere in search of a better life. Keep that in mind; more about it later.

Bernard Gooden was 22 when he died on April 4, 2003 during a gun battle in central Iraq. Gooden was a corporal in the Marine Corps, assigned to the 2nd Tank Battalion, 2nd Marine Division, based at Camp Lejeune, North Carolina. The Associated Press, which has been attempting to profile every American soldier killed overseas (mainstream media doesn't get it, eh?), carried this report on Gooden's death:

The last time Bernard Gooden saw his mother was on Christmas, when she cooked his favourite food from his childhood in Jamaica. They sat on the floor and talked about his dream to become a lawyer. The straight-A student had been excited to go overseas, said his mother, Carmen Palmer of Mount Vernon, New York. But once there, he described the experience as "horrible." She sent him a care package of cheese, crackers and other snacks. A few days before her son was killed, she received a thank-you letter from him that was "the best letter that anybody could ever have."

Gooden split time between his father in Ontario, Canada and his mom here in Mount Vernon. He was, in fact, a Canadian citizen and took college courses in Toronto, earning good grades and planning to become a lawyer. But he dropped out of school for financial reasons and joined the Marines to further his education. Gooden was born in Jamaica, like his mother, and moved north at 16. "He was a kid any mother would love to have," said his mother. "He was very warm."

His girlfriend, Elizabeth Knox, said she and Gooden often stayed up late watching war movies. But he wasn't a warrior type, she said. ''He loved those movies, but he was so soft,'' she said. ''He didn't go in wanting to fight.'' But fight he did, and two years after joining the Marines, he was killed in action.

U.S. Army Staff Sgt. Anthony Lagman was 26 when he was killed on March 18, 2004 during a gun battle while his squad was clearing a village in Dehrawood, Afghanistan. A former Marine who did a stint as a doorman on Fifth Avenue before becoming an Army Ranger in a second military tour, Lagman was a member of the 2nd Battalion, 22nd Infantry Regiment, 10th Mountain Division (Light Infantry) based at Fort Drum, N.Y. A year later, one of his buddies posted this remembrance to FallenHeroes:

My name is Sgt.Brian Haiku i was in C.co 2-22inf.. i give my condolences to your family and my best wishes to you all...i was in afghanistan with SSG.lagman...he was a great leader and everyone loved him i felt as if i lost a brother.....but we will never forget what he did and how he served his country to protect everyone back home...i have snice moved from ft.drum to texas and still i meet people who knew him..that says alot ..i was proud to have been in the same unit as him.. and we all will never forget...my best wish's to the Lagman family....Deed's Not Words....triple decue...."

Anthony Lagman grew up first in the Phillippines and then on Cedar Street in the Park Hill section Yonkers, just a mile or so to the southwest of the block where I grew up. But his mother, Ligaya Lagman, is Filipino and although a legal resident for more than 20 years, never bothered to apply for U.S. citizenship like her husband Joaquin. When she applied for membership in the Gold Star Mothers Association, a national group united by grief and sacrifice, Ligaya Lagman was turned away. Here's the story from the Journal News (where I worked for a few years back in the day as a sportswriter, incidentally):

"My heart goes out to her, but we have rules we have to go by," said Ann Herd, president of the Washington-based group that was established after World War I to support the mothers of America's war dead, promote patriotism, assist veterans and perpetuate the memory of those who died.

Herd, a Texan whose son was killed in Vietnam, announced the decision in January in a letter to the veterans.

"To remove the word 'American' from the title of the organization, and to change the bylaws, would require demolishing the entire organization and building a new one," she wrote. "I am sure you understand this is not feasible. We are not being discriminate nor do we want to turn away any mothers who have suffered the pain of a loss such as ours, however, the organization was founded as such and the repercussions of changing it at this point are devastatingly many."

This response simply wasn't good enough for veterans in Westchester County.

Local veterans, along with families of other slain soldiers and several members of American Gold Star Mothers, including a past president, expressed outrage over the decision and plan to protest it at a Memorial Day luncheon in Eastchester.

"Her son gave his life to this country, and she gave up her son to this country, so she should be recognized, whether she's from the Philippines, Mexico or any other country," said Yolanda Cuming of North White Plains, a native of Mexico and a naturalized U.S. citizen who joined American Gold Star Mothers after her son, Kevin, was killed in Iraq in August.

The mother of Bernard Gooden of Mount Vernon, a member of an Army tank battalion who was killed in 2003 in Iraq, also planned to support Lagman at the luncheon.

And so the mothers of Bernard Gooden of Mount Vernon (where I live) and Anthony Lagman of Yonkers (where I grew up) are supported by veterans in Eastchester, where my kids go to school, where they play baseball and joined the Scouts - and where they will watch the veterans walk by, down Route 22, on Memorial Day. They'll wave their flags and sip their sodas and shriek when the fire engines blast their sirens. And they'll smile their open, suburban, well-cared for kid smiles at the old guys in the VFW hats - and at the Gold Star mothers rolling by in vintage Cadillacs.

We don't really understand the sacrifice of soldiers in this country, despite the ribbon magnets on our cars, the pins on our lapels, and the flags on our front porches. We don't grasp that being a soldier means not just risking death, but causing death - a terrible thing to live with. We don't understand the things that war makes young people do, makes them absorb, makes them endure. We hide from the truth while we wave the flag, and we allow the wealthy, the privileged, and the dynastic to send the sons and daughters of the working classes to their deaths for a lost cause. And then we tell the mothers of the dead that they're not real Americans, even as they mourn their lost sons and the lives given in the support of American ideals.

UPDATE: The AP reports that Ligaya Lagman has dropped her  bid to join the Gold Star Mothers Association. The New York Daily News has been all over this story the last day or so. Columnist Michael Daly compares the Lagman story to that of a woman who lost three sons in World War II, and was denied Gold Star status because of her nationality. Meanwhile the Journal News, which broke the story, reports that the group may change its rules after all:

Judith Young, who will become president of the Washington-based organization next month, said she would initiate the process of amending the organization's bylaws to allow foreign mothers living in the United States to join, if that is what the organization's members wanted. The announcement came as military veterans, politicians and the mothers of other soldiers continued to denounce the group's decision to deny membership to Ligaya Lagman, a Yonkers mother whose son was killed in combat last year.

The same story notes that Ben Spadaro, the Bronxville resident and vet who first put Mrs. Lagman forward for membership, now favors changing the rules of the American VFW to admit non-citizens to its ranks as well. They may have no choice. There are 28,000 non-citizens serving in our armed forces, many risking their lives in Iraq.

Meanwhile, the blogosphere is getting on this as well - the reaction is pretty well unified, no matter what the politics of the blogger. Here's an excerpt from a letter Navy veteran (and blogger) Mark Jones:

I find myself wondering about this incident and have written on my blog questioning how many mothers of black Americans killed in combat may have been denied Gold Star status as well in times not-so distant. After all, it is but a small step from the xenophobic reaction of yours towards Ms. Lagman and old fashioned racial bigotry.

You can read Mark's full post here - well worth it. Here's a rare post that has some pro and con on the issue. And this one's from a died-in-wool pro-Iraq war conservative:

First off, American Gold Star Mothers is a private organization and as such should be allowed to determine its own policies. If any particular citizen disagrees with them then that citizen is free to not participate. I don’t see where the government needs to step in.

But as for their decision to not grant their award to Ligaya Lagman, it seems fairly stupid to me. The article indicates that, while she is not a citizen, she is in this country legally. And her son did provide honorable service to this country. Were she an illegal immigrant breaking the law by her existence in this country I might feel differently, but as long as no laws are being broken I see no reason why she shouldn’t get this award.

Oh, and thanks to Joe Gandelman for sending so many readers to this post.

Comments

[Grotesqueticle]

Semper Fi to both those marines. Wonderful Memorial day post.

[Mark Jones]

Tom, thanks for mentioning my post on the subject of the Gold Star Mothers dishonor. Together we can make a difference!

[Tony Alva]

Tom,

Loved your post. Thanks for bringing this story to the masses. It didn't appear in the Atlanta papers anywhere. I've always thought it amazing that the armed services had so many non-citizens amongst their ranks. I believe these soldiers are a rare and special breed which I hold in especially high regard.

Having said that, I can't let you get away with this statement, and feel compelled to fisk this just a little...

"We hide from the truth while we wave the flag, and we allow the wealthy, the privileged, and the dynastic to send the sons and daughters of the working classes to their deaths for a lost cause."

Yes, some folks are inclined to believe they are doing their patriotic duty by turning out to wave the flag on a designated day, but I argue that MANY more know and understand what our men and women in uniform have signed up for, and what sacrifices they have made. Stop putting all of America in one big ignorant bucket.

We have a volunteer army and it should remain that way always. It is made up of all races and economic classes. Perhaps not equally, but after all it is a voluntary choice to join. This position doesn't make sense coming from the likes of Charles Wrangle or Al Sharpton, and it's not gaining any traction anywhere else either, although I heard Oliver Stone and the rest of Hollywood seem to embrace it a great deal (and how are they not priviledged? and how many of them have served?).

The last bit about "lost causes" is just retread inflamatory that we've just decided to agree to disagree on.

[Tom W.]

Tony, perhaps you're right - maybe more Americans do indeed understand the depth of the sacrifice. I don't think I do, because I was never in a war-zone. But I've read a lot of about it and it's a de-humanizing experience. (I'd recommend James Bradley's Flyboys as the latest book to tell this story well - including the little-known story of George HW Bush's brush with death). I think our very thin homeland symbols of "support" are pathetic. Who among us would pay double at the pump to allow for a final showdown the the Saudi financiers of the 9/11 attacks? Do we ever get asked to sacrifice?

Yeah, we disagree on the lost cause but the total body count - sadly - favors my characterization, I believe.

One quick note: I wouldn't lump in Charlie Rangel with Rev. Al (was your spelling his name a brilliant twist on how you perceive him?) Rangel is himself a vet who was wounded in Korea and is - at least - talking with some first-hand knowledge. I certainly don't want a draft, but our all-volunteer force is shrinking.